Seeing as how it’s Valentine’s Day today, I thought I’d completely embrace it with a post on the Five Love Languages. Now, I love this holiday because of the way it started, so what it truly means matters more to me than the (damaging) commercialisation of it. Anyhow, I’d thought I go into a little detail on each of the Love Languages, introducing them to any of my readers who might not be completely familiar with them!
I definitely think it’s incredibly important to know what your love language is, and what it is for those around you. Valentine’s Day and appreciating those you love is a lifelong journey that we should take seriously. Finding out the love languages of those nearest and dearest to you serves only as a benefit. There are so many marriages and families who were transformed and restored after they began speaking the love languages of their loved ones.
All quotes are taken directly from The Five Love Languages, a book originally written by Gary Chapman. I would highly recommend you read it if you’re interested, and he has a couple of other specialised books on the topic that really focus on the specific ways the love languages work in relationships with one’s children/spouse.
You can find the book (& so much more) here if you’re interested!!
Words of Affirmation
Encouraging words, “verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communications of love.” Words and phrases that build someone up are always special, but they are even more meaningful for those who identify this as their love language.
This is actually my love language. I feel loved when I receive gifts from family members or friends; I feel loved when I get a hug from someone who means the world to me, and I feel loved when someone does me a favour or spends some time with me, but I feel the most loved when I hear words of affirmation.
When my Dad tells me that he’s proud of me and of all I have accomplished, listing specifics, and saying how much those things mean to him, I feel loved. When my sister tells me she looks up to me and that I’m an example to her, I feel joy. Don’t flatter or be fake with words like this, be genuine, search yourself for how much your loved one means to you, and let them know!
“The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love. It is a fact, however, that when we receive affirming words we are far more likely to be motivated to reciprocate.”
Quality Time
Give someone your undivided attention. Talk. Focus completely on the other person, giving them your time, doing things with them. Doing this for just a few minutes more each day can make the world of difference.
My dad’s love language is quality time. For him, this means he enjoys when I sit and watch a game with him, when I go to the store with him, or when my siblings & I clean the house or garage with him. It’s really very simple. When we spend time with him, laughing and talking, he feels the most loved. He enjoys sitting with my mom after work, going on a drive with her, and even sitting and correcting papers together (they’re both teachers). Make an effort to make time with those in your life who speak this love language.
“A central aspect of quality time is togetherness. I do not mean proximity. . . Togetherness has to do with focused attention.”
Physical Affection
Hugs, hand-holding, putting your hand on one’s shoulder, or a caress can mean so much to someone who’s love language is physical touch. There are various “dialects” within this, so one should do their best to speak that “dialect.” (This is where I recommend reading the book!)
“A tender hug communicates love to any child, but it shouts love to the child whose primary love language is physical touch. The same is true of adults… If your spouse’s primary love language is physical touch, nothing is more important than holding her as she cries.”
Gifts
Picking something up to give to someone lets them know that you’re thinking of them. It is a physical reminder of your love for that person. It’s something that they can look back on, treasure, carry with them, put on their nightstand, and value forever.
My sister’s love language is receiving gifts. My little brother will sometimes buy a bag of chips just for her, and it makes her happy. Even when my dad picks up a pack of gum for her from the grocery store, she feels appreciated.
“A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, ‘Look, he was thinking of me,’ or, ‘She remembered me.’ You must be thinking of someone to give them a gift. The gift itself is a symbol of that thought. It doesn’t matter whether it costs money. What is important is that you thought of him [or her]…the thought expressed in actually securing the gift and giving it [is] the expression of love.”
Acts of Service
Doing what will be appreciated or what is desired by your loved one is an act of service. Seeking to please this person by doing things for them expresses love. It can be anything from washing the dishes to making the bed. Again, going out of your way and/or making it a part of your routine is extremely meaningful.
My sister has begun to place more importance on this love language. She has a lot of responsibilities that she has to juggle: schoolwork, track practice, leadership, and chores at home. It means a lot to her if my brother and I, or one of my parents, takes time to help her out with a chore or two. She’s expressed that if it was something of an effort for us or if it was a little inconveniencing to us, she knows that we love her and are showing her through that.
“[Acts of service] require thought, planning, time, effort, and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love.”
That’s it for this post. Hopefully, I got you a little intrigued about the book. If any of you decide to pick it up, please let me know! In any case, my hope was to detail the five love languages and give each of them a little clarity if necessary 🙂 I hope you enjoyed this, & Happy Valentine’s Day! <3